Christmas is marketed as a season of connection. Fine.
But the part that matters to me isn’t the “together.” It’s the hosting. The discipline of making other people feel held… without turning it into a performance.
I love cooking. And for me it’s one of the most honest form of care I know: you can’t fake timing, you can’t outsource attention, and if you’re sloppy, people taste it.
For someone who loves cooking, Christmas isn’t primarily about gifts. Gifts are easy. Christmas is the rare permission slip to do something slightly unreasonable: host people I care about and cook an ambitious menu like it’s normal. The planning. The mise en place. The moment the doorbell rings and the whole evening becomes a live system.
And every year, it reminds me of something that should be obvious … and somehow isn’t.
Most leaders aren’t leading. They’re attending their own meeting. A good host would never.
Here’s what good hosts do, and what January could look like if leaders become hosts.
First, they set tone before anyone arrives. A host doesn’t improvise “vibes.” They decide. Light. Music. The first drink. The first sentence at the door. In organisations, tone is not a value. It’s an act. If you don’t set it, the room defaults to whatever anxiety walked in first.
Second, they engineer belonging. They connect people. They introduce. They notice who’s drifting. They stitch the room together so nobody has to fight for relevance. Leadership is social architecture as well. If your team needs “confidence” training, it might be because the room was designed like a battlefield.
Third, they protect flow over perfection. Something always goes wrong in a kitchen. The point is not to panic. The point is to keep rhythm. The corporate addiction to perfect plans is just fear wearing a tuxedo. Flow beats elegance. Every time.
Fourth, they anticipate needs (without becoming the main character). A good host knows who needs water, who needs quiet, who needs a conversation partner, who needs an exit ramp. And they do it discreetly. That’s what support looks like when it’s competent: friction removed early, no hero story required.
Fifth, they end well. Dessert. A small ritual. A clear goodbye. No awkward fade-out where people stare at their phones until someone remembers they have a life. Leaders who can’t close create organisational stress. Meetings that don’t end cleanly turn into months that don’t either.
So here’s my Christmas wish, bluntly: bring back old-school hosting manners.
At home: fewer “just swing by” evenings that accidentally punish everyone’s attention. More intention. More care. A little standard.
At work in January: treat your team like guests, but not in the “be nice” sense. In the competent sense.
Decide the tone.
Build belonging.
Protect flow.
Anticipate needs.
Land the thing.